Don't get the swine flu. It sucks.

So, originally my relationship was to be an open relationship... however, I think there is a point where you can't really say it's an open relationship anymore. I mean, I think that's part of my uneasiness with my present situation. I feel like... once you pass a certain point in a relationship it kind of becomes monogamous if you haven't seen anyone else. Doors close. I feel like at this point if I were to want to see other people Kody would be okay with it and I would be okay with him seeing other people but that is just in theory. In reality I fear that things would get very strange and I would ruin what I have. Not that I want to see anyone else. It's complicated. It's just something I've been mulling over lately.

In other news I've decided to move to Tennessee. It's closer to my family and I feel really comfortable there. It's going to be really weird being married and living by myself but Kody's going to be out to sea all the time anyway so we're going to do it this way. I just figure, realistically it would be better for me to be some place that's new but still really familiar. It's not a huge move at all.

Kody's taking off most of November (or at least that is our hope) to help me find a place.

I know my plans change a lot. I know I haven't really written anything here in ages except for random plans... but I'm really settled on this one. It feels right.

I've been taking an English class so I haven't had much time for writing on the side. I've got the worst writers block lately... which is just my luck. I could have writers block whenever but it just happens to fall when I have a pretty big assignment I need to be working on. hooray.

I'm happy, mostly healthy and hopeful. 2010 is quickly approaching and I feel ready for it. I've been so nostalgic for so long... I'm finally ready to take on the future. There is a place for thinking about the past.... but I'm not letting it swallow up my life anymore.

I don't know how it's possible to feel so behind in life and so bored with it at the same time.

Some days I just feel like there's nothing new... like I've tasted everything and every story is essentially a different spin on one that's already been told. Like, what's the point if I've seen it all. Sometimes I talk trash about kody's family for being so backward but sometimes I envy them for just being able to enjoy the simplest things as if they were the very essence of life.

I feel behind because everything is moving forward, people are moving forward and sometimes i just want to stand still. i can't take it all in... so i guess that proves that even though i may have seen a lot of things that there are things still worth seeing... i just miss things that are over so badly sometimes.

I've been thinking about michigan a lot lately. some of my time there was so horrific. i've gotten over that though... but i think in trying to get over it i let go of some of the really good things about it.

What on earth are any of us doing? I get so confused by people that seem to have it all figured out. I envy them and at the same time I feel like maybe they're missing something. How can you be so certain?

I just need to jump in full force and see what happens. The worst that can happen isn't really that bad.

.


Two piglets sucking the life out of a scarab beatle. creepy.

I've lost 13 pounds! I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere!

Today was a really interesting day. So many truths came to light... not because I went to see Ammachi... but because it got me thinking. ( Read more... )

Why is the sponsored link on my gmail page a pro-ana site? ummm... wtf?

Today I got my acceptance letter from NMHU. I also got a letter from Kody's cousin in boot camp. I had dinner with friends, got 3 points added to my grade in Government, discovered the game Alpaca-o-poly, drank the recommended amount of water and laughed until I cried. The world is, as usual, going to hell in a hand basket... but somehow I really am truly blessed to be here in this moment, on this day. Thank you, universe.

How does trading up work? I need a new laptop. The one I have fried. So I'm thinking of attempting to trade up for one... is that possible in this day and age? I mean, a guy started with a paperclip and got a house... but I don't know that many people. I guess this is an experience that will get me back into the swing of talking to strangers...

Oh my god. Drunk Lori has no place talking to people on Facebook. I sound like a complete idiot even when giving the soundest of advice. Seriously, I need to shut it.

Memorial Day weekend was alright. Rather similar to every other weekend except that we both ended up getting sick...

Having an epiphany is one thing... then executing what you get out of it is another.

I have books on the way for my next two classes. I got a $6000 tuition assistance scholarship thing from the military since Kody is in... and while I really hate being associated with the all this stuff... if they're going to give me money, i'm going to take it and be grateful for the fact that I have one less thing to worry about.

My sleep schedule is all out of wack again. Today I woke up, took Kody to work... then did some chores and slept til 2... in the afternoon... oh my god. Of course this means my body made up for the 7 hours of sleep I missed because of insomnia... but still. I feel like a total slacker. Which I guess I kind of am.

We got a new router which came with a "free" 50 song download. I think it actually is free. It's kind of false advertising though because it's a free trial period that you're signed up for and after that you have to remember to cancel. It's kind of awesome though because we've gotten 50 new songs and a free audiobook.

I'm thinking about going back to the UU church... only because I love the sense of community that comes from church but I'm a nonbeliever. I believe in people. This is what it always comes down to. I don't know why it's so hard to accept. I really enjoy playing church though... when I can find a liberal enough one that doesn't shake me back to the fact that I cannot get behind what they believe... but I don't believe in god. I think when we die, we're dead... I'm okay with all of my beliefs individually... if there were a friendlier sort of atheist group I would join... but I've yet to find one.

I guess I didn't have anything too interesting to say, but I wanted to post. Because I keep saying I'm going to post regularly... and I keep thinking nothing I have to say is that interesting... so I don't post. In the scheme of things, most things aren't important though.

Anyway, I hope you're all doing awesome. I am going to go take some midol and go lie back down. Sometimes being a girl physically hurts... blah.

This turned out to be really long... ( Read more... )

I am so bored I could poke my own eye out just because... but my better judgement keeps me safe. ugh sooooo bored.

Yesterday was the best day ever! We're looking at moving across the water from here. I've spent the last week looking at apartments and yesterday Kody got off work early. I took him and showed him my two top picks.

Since I'd already viewed the apartments the second people just handed me the keys and Kody and I went by ourselves up to the model. Anyway long story short, we got up to this awesome apartment, walked in and it just felt like home. We walked out onto the balcony and I got really upset because it looked like there was a cat in a really sad state lying in the yard that I was about to go see if it was still alive and go from there. As I got closer it started to move and I realized it was not infact a calico cat but 8 grey and white baby ducks snuggling in the yard. So we spent about half an hour watching the baby ducks snuggling and I think that's the apartment we want.

I wish I had a video of the ducks. So sweet!

My mom passed her teacher certification test! hooray!

I don't think I got the job I wanted... I'm bummed but I'll just keep looking. ugh.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul. -Pablo Neruda

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart) -ee cummings

I'm working on accepting this affirmation as truth:

The cleanliness of my house and my self worth have no correlation.

Things that bring my joy lately:

Patty Griffin


The Green Brothers and Nerdfighting!


Shiva Rea, sunshine, a capella groups, acoustic versions, love, wildflowers, hope, social justice groups and you!

Thanks for being such great friends!!

I am so sleepy today! I have a ton of emails to respond to and... I can't seem to finish any of the things I want to say. blargh.

I had a really amazing weekend. We didn't do anything too terribly exciting, but it was really relaxed and we talked through a lot of the things that we've both been having trouble communicating. Communication is so important. It's the difference between thriving and failing in a marriage and... I think we're thriving again. Marriage takes so much work sometimes and it's not always very much fun... but it's worth it.

I don't really have much to say. I'm just really content with my life right now... and I almost never post when I'm actually content with my life.. This is to prove that it really does happen.

So I pick 25 of my favorite movies. I choose a quote. You guess what it's from (no cheating) and that's how it goes. Then you post your own if you so choose... that's the way these things go.( Read more... )